Where Kids Have No Birthdays
A letter to our sweet Sophie June on her first birthday:
Hello sweet girl, your family and friends miss you so much. I miss this moment in the hospital, holding your sweet, delicate, yet lifeless, body. Your mommy and I had hopes and dreams for you, our beautiful, brown-haired girl. We prayed so many prayers for your life before meeting you in this world. But unfortunately, you never got to meet us, never got to feel the warmth of your mother's skin, never got to wrap your whole hand around my finger. I wish we could watch those same hands go into a birthday cake today for the first time, but instead you're in the place where kids have no birthdays.
However, we will celebrate you, celebrate your birthday today! We're heading to the Apple Orchard and we will eat delicious pumpkin donuts, the same ones your mommy ate last year, the same ones that seemed to make you squirm and dance inside of her belly. We will celebrate your birthday today, but we know you're in the place where kids have no birthdays.
Your brother and sister asked family and friends to make birthday cards for you. We can't wait to read all of them and celebrate you. We've eaten cake and other sweet treats for your birthday; it makes us feel like you're being remembered and honored on this special day. We will celebrate your birthday today, but we know you're in the place where kids have no birthdays.
We've cried many tears in this past year, nearly every day. We've experienced many losses to add to our grief. There's two more little Isabelli's with you in 2022. It's hard to know in our finite minds what you look like or what our sweet, miscarried babies look like in Heaven. But you all know each other and you have no tears, no sadness, no pain because you're in the place where kids have no birthdays.
We wish we could've taken the monthly pictures as you grew. We wish we could've stayed up with you during the night when you were struggling to sleep. We wish we could've seen you crawl, roll, smile, giggle, and be held and adored by your family and friends. We wish so many things, not only in this first year, but for years and years to come. But we won't get those wishes, and yet, we know the joy you have now is immeasurably more than any experience, any joy, you could've had with us. Because you're in the place where kids have no birthdays.
It's still hard to believe you're not with us, we miss you so much. And on your first birthday, we celebrate you and remind ourselves that we can't wait to be with you, in the place where kids (and even grownups) have no birthdays.
Daddy, Mommy, Big Sissy and Big Brother